This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
