just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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