No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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