She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
