I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
