His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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