I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
