I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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