I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
