I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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