so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
