i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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