I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
