why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
