I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
