my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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