I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
