I'm going to jail i love you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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