If that was your dad, he is hot
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
