I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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