If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
