I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
