Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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