I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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