We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
