Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
