i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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