He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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