Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
