I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
