Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
