so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
