Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
