Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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