i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
