does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
