The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
