Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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