yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
zippers are such a cool invention
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
