do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
