Soap is not a condiment
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
