Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
