the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
