is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
