i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
