Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
