i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
