i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
