U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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