My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
