is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
